{"id":121,"date":"2020-05-19T09:53:52","date_gmt":"2020-05-19T09:53:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kiddyshop.ro\/blog\/?p=121"},"modified":"2020-05-19T09:53:52","modified_gmt":"2020-05-19T09:53:52","slug":"parenting-primordial-dandu-le-bebelusilor-cel-mai-bun-inceput-in-viata","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kiddyshop.ro\/blog\/2020\/05\/19\/parenting-primordial-dandu-le-bebelusilor-cel-mai-bun-inceput-in-viata\/","title":{"rendered":"Parenting primordial: d\u00e2ndu-le bebelu\u015filor cel mai bun \u00eenceput \u00een via\u0163\u0103"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

De\u00a0Patricia T\u00f6rngren<\/strong> 2011<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Articol tradus de aici: http:\/\/www.drmomma.org\/2011\/06\/primal-parenting-giving-babies-best.html<\/a> )<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Pu\u0163ini adul\u0163i din ziua de azi ar asocia felul \u00een care au fost trata\u0163i ca bebelu\u015fi cu problemele pe care le experimenteaz\u0103 \u00een via\u0163a de adult. Totu\u015fi, oamenii care beneficiaz\u0103 de terapie primordial\u0103 (Primal Therapy<\/a>) \u015fi de alte terapii regresive, deseori devin con\u015ftien\u0163i de aceste probleme din copil\u0103rie. Pentru o perioad\u0103 lung\u0103 de timp m-am zb\u0103tut \u00een terapie cu durerea \u00eensingur\u0103rii cople\u015fitoare pe care am sim\u0163it-o ca bebelu\u015f. Nu am fost hr\u0103nit\u0103 suficient \u015fi nu am fost luat\u0103 \u00een bra\u0163e destul pentru a mi se \u00eendeplini nevoile. De asemenea am fost pus\u0103 s\u0103 dorm singur\u0103 noaptea \u00eencep\u00e2nd de la na\u015ftere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recent, terapeutul meu mi-a dat s\u0103 citesc o carte \u015fi aceasta mi-a confirmat foarte clar ce retr\u0103iam \u00een fiecare sesiune cu el. A\u015f vrea s\u0103 o \u00eemp\u0103rt\u0103\u015fesc aici. Este o carte bazat\u0103 pe arheologie, numit\u0103 The Prehistory of Sex<\/a>, scris\u0103 de Timothy Taylor. Sec\u0163iunile relevante sunt la paginile 189 – 191.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Taylor sus\u0163ine c\u0103 \u00een societ\u0103\u0163ile de v\u00e2n\u0103tori-culeg\u0103tori, copiii continuau s\u0103 fie al\u0103pta\u0163i p\u00e2n\u0103 la v\u00e2rsta de 5 sau 6 ani. Ei aveau parte astfel de mult\u0103 alinare \u015fi de dragoste necondi\u0163ionat\u0103, pentru c\u0103 acestea erau date prin al\u0103ptare. Din acest obicei, ei \u00eenv\u0103\u0163au ce este \u00eencrederea, utilitatea lucrurilor \u015fi \u00eemp\u0103rt\u0103\u015firea, participarea. Autorul puncteaz\u0103 c\u0103 \u00een loc s\u0103 devin\u0103 indivizi dependen\u0163i, ei afi\u015fau o autonomie remarcabil\u0103, pentru c\u0103 aveau un sim\u0163 intern puternic a propriei lor valori.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

El mai spune c\u0103 \u00een societ\u0103\u0163ile r\u0103zboinice se \u00eentampla de obicei opusul. Colostrumul era \u00een general refuzat copilului. Automat se instala \u00een\u0163\u0103rcarea precoce. Ca rezultat, bebelu\u015ful era l\u0103sat cu o durere nerezolvat\u0103, cu furie, cu ur\u0103 \u015fi neputin\u0163\u0103, pe care el nu le putea \u00een\u0163elege \u015fi nu le putea exprima.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mai t\u00e2rziu \u00een via\u0163\u0103, acestea erup \u00een forma depresiei sau a tendin\u0163elor violente, agresive, care pot fi proiectate asupra altor persoane sau asupra unui grup de persoane. Astfel, o asemenea societate devine una r\u0103zboinic\u0103. (Psihoanalista elve\u0163ianc\u0103 Alice Miller discut\u0103 un fenomen similar \u00een cartea ei, For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence<\/a>).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Exist\u0103 o practic\u0103 ce o predau \u00een mod curent unii doctori \u015fi pediatri, numit\u0103 pl\u00e2ns controlat (“controlled crying<\/a>“). P\u0103rin\u0163ii sunt \u00eendemna\u0163i s\u0103 o foloseasc\u0103 pentru a-\u015fi face copiii mai independen\u0163i. Timothy Taylor are o p\u0103rere mai aprofundat\u0103 despre consecin\u0163ele acestei metode asupra bebelu\u015fului. *<\/p>\n\n\n\n

El spune c\u0103 pentru ca un copil s\u0103 fie \u00een\u0163\u0103rcat precoce, copilul trebuie pus s\u0103 doarm\u0103 singur \u015fi pl\u00e2nsul lui s\u0103 fie ignorat. \u00cen \u201cpl\u00e2nsul controlat\u201d, copilului i se permite s\u0103 pl\u00e2ng\u0103 pu\u0163in mai mult \u00een fiecare noapte \u00eenainte ca nevoile lui pentru m\u00e2ncare \u015fi alinare s\u0103 fie \u00eendeplinite. Ca un rezultat, copilul \u00een final se opre\u015fte din pl\u00e2ns. \u00cen acest punct, cei neinforma\u0163i ar fi bucuro\u015fi \u2013 crez\u00e2nd c\u0103 acel copil a fost dresat s\u0103 aib\u0103 obiceiuri mai bune. \u00cen contrast, s-a \u00eent\u00e2mplat ce sugereaz\u0103 Taylor, adic\u0103 au intervenit insinctele animale, cele observate la puii majorit\u0103\u0163ii mamiferelor \u015fi p\u0103s\u0103rilor. Bebelu\u015ful simte \u00een mod instinctiv \u201cdac\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i semnalizezi sup\u0103rarea \u015fi nu vine nimeni, ai fost abandonat. Vei muri dac\u0103 nu \u00ee\u0163i conservi energia. Pl\u00e2nsul consum\u0103 energie. A\u015fadar pentru a supravie\u0163ui trebuie s\u0103 te opre\u015fti din pl\u00e2ns \u015fi s\u0103 te \u00eenchizi \u00een tine\u201d. Astfel, \u00eenainte s\u0103 se opreasc\u0103 din pl\u00e2ns, bebelu\u015ful trebuie s\u0103 fie con\u015ftient c\u0103 a fost abandonat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rezultatul acestei proceduri e foarte serios. Taylor \u00eel leag\u0103 de condi\u0163ionarea clasic\u0103 \u015fi de teoria lui Martin Seligman de neajutorare \u00eenv\u0103\u0163at\u0103. El argumenteaz\u0103 c\u0103 dac\u0103 un copil pl\u00e2nge, \u015fi pl\u00e2nsul lui trece neb\u0103gat \u00een seam\u0103, \u015fi nevoile nu \u00eei sunt \u00eendeplinite, copilul \u00eencepe s\u0103 se deta\u015feze de realitate. Instinctiv, copilul simte \u201cindiferent de c\u00e2t de tare \u00eencerc, nimic nu se schimb\u0103, \u015fi nu vine nici o alinare. A\u015fa c\u0103 de ce s\u0103 mai \u00eencerc? Eforturile mele sunt \u00een zadar oricum\u201d. Asemenea realiz\u0103ri sunt cople\u015fitoare pentru un bebelu\u015f \u015fi pentru a supravie\u0163ui, bebelu\u015ful \u00ee\u015fi \u00een\u0103bu\u015f\u0103 constat\u0103rile \u00een incon\u015ftien\u0163\u0103, \u015fi \u00eencearc\u0103 s\u0103 paralizeze singur c\u0103tre somn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Experimentarea acestei inutilit\u0103\u0163i devine baza pentru ceea ce se cheam\u0103 neajutorare \u00eenv\u0103\u0163at\u0103. Copilul a \u00eenv\u0103\u0163at de la \u00eenceput c\u0103 e inutil s\u0103 \u00eencerce s\u0103 cear\u0103 s\u0103 i se \u00eendeplineasc\u0103 nevoile, sau s\u0103 se afirme \u00een orice modalitate. \u00cen mod tragic, neajutorarea \u00eenv\u0103\u0163at\u0103 este deseori precursoarea depresiei clinice. Trebuie s\u0103 \u00eei ajut\u0103m pe p\u0103rin\u0163i s\u0103 devin\u0103 con\u015ftien\u0163i de faptul c\u0103 bebelu\u015fii lor \u201ccumin\u0163i, bine dresa\u0163i\u201d pot fi \u00een pericol s\u0103 ajung\u0103 depresivi \u015fi\/sau anxio\u015fi, \u015fi pot continua s\u0103 fie a\u015fa \u015fi mai t\u00e2rziu \u00een via\u0163\u0103, dac\u0103 nu trec prin ani \u00eentregi de terapie. Pentru c\u0103 prevenirea proactiv\u0103 e mai bun\u0103 dec\u00e2t tratarea, a devenit esen\u0163ial s\u0103 facem s\u0103 ajung\u0103 aceste informa\u0163ii la noii p\u0103rin\u0163i c\u00e2t de repede posibil.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u00centr-o lucrare citit\u0103 la o conferin\u0163\u0103 interna\u0163ional\u0103 pe tema \u00eengrijirii stil cangur (Kangaroo Mother Care<\/a>) \u00een 1998, un doctor din Cape Town, Dr. Nils Bergman, citeaz\u0103 cercetarile lui Lozoff et. al. (1977) care a studiat modul \u00een care popoarele de v\u00e2n\u0103tori-culeg\u0103tori \u00ee\u015fi cre\u015fteau copiii. El a spus a\u015fa: \u201cComun tuturor grupurilor era faptul c\u0103 nou-n\u0103scu\u0163ii erau purta\u0163i \u00een mod constant. Ei dormeau cu mamele lor, li se r\u0103spundea imediat c\u00e2nd pl\u00e2ngeau, hr\u0103nitul avea loc o dat\u0103 la 1-2 ore, \u015fi al\u0103ptarea continua pentru cel pu\u0163in 2 ani.\u201d El a continuat cu \u00eendemnarea p\u0103rin\u0163ilor s\u0103 ofere aceast\u0103 modalitate de \u00eengrijire copiilor lor, dac\u0103 vrem ca rasa uman\u0103 s\u0103 supravie\u0163uiasc\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pentru majoritatea dintre noi, \u00een mod tragic, aceast\u0103 informa\u0163ie vine prea t\u00e2rziu. Ce m\u0103 \u00eentristeaz\u0103 este c\u0103 de\u015fi mama mea nu a fost o persoan\u0103 cald\u0103, care s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eembr\u0103\u0163i\u015feze, era foarte con\u015ftiincioas\u0103 \u015fi a vrut s\u0103 fie totul bine. Dac\u0103 \u00een c\u0103r\u0163ile de \u00eengrijire a copilului de pe vremea ei ar fi citit c\u0103 trebuie s\u0103 m\u0103 \u0163in\u0103 \u00een bra\u0163e \u015fi s\u0103 m\u0103 consoleze dup\u0103 na\u015ftere, s\u0103 m\u0103 ridice \u015fi s\u0103 m\u0103 poarte aproape de corpul ei, s\u0103 ma lase s\u0103 dorm cu ea, s\u0103 m\u0103 hr\u0103neasc\u0103 atunci c\u00e2nd mi-a fost foame \u015fi s\u0103 nu m\u0103 lase s\u0103 rabd foame timp de 8 ore \u00een fiecare noapte, atunci ea le-ar fi urmat \u00eendrum\u0103rile \u015fi povestea vie\u0163ii mele probabil c\u0103 ar fi fost foarte diferit\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00cen schimb, doctorul i-a spus s\u0103 nu m\u0103 ridice prea des \u015fi s\u0103 nu m\u0103 hr\u0103neasc\u0103 \u00een nici un caz de la ora 10:00pm p\u00e2n\u0103 la 6:00am, pentru c\u0103 stomacul meu \u201cavea nevoie de odihn\u0103\u201d. (Unele dintre cele mai agonizate esen\u0163e primordiale de bebelu\u015f ale mele au fost despre aceste \u00eencerc\u0103ri nocturne de singur\u0103tate \u015fi \u00eenfometare.) Pentru c\u0103 era o mam\u0103 con\u015ftiincioas\u0103, mama mea a urmat recomand\u0103rile medicului p\u00e2n\u0103 la ultima liter\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Totu\u015fi, pl\u00e2nsul meu o \u00eengrijora, a\u015fa c\u0103 \u015fi-a sunat doctorul \u015fi i-a spus \u201cNu pot s\u0103-mi las copilul s\u0103 pl\u00e2ng\u0103 astfel. Nu ar trebui s\u0103-i dau s\u0103 m\u0103n\u00e2nce?\u201d. R\u0103spunsul lui a fost \u201cOrice faci, nu \u00ee\u0163i hr\u0103ni bebelu\u015ful \u00eenainte de ora 6.00 am, pentru c\u0103 e nociv pentru stomacul lui\u201d. A\u015fa c\u0103 de la ora 4:00am \u00een fiecare diminea\u0163\u0103, m\u0103 plimba prin camer\u0103 timp de 2 ore \u00een care eu pl\u00e2ngeam continuu, dar nu m-a hr\u0103nit niciodat\u0103. Mi-a spus mai t\u00e2rziu c\u0103 a fost disperat\u0103 din aceast\u0103 cauz\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u015ei eu eram disperat\u0103. \u00cei spuneam c\u00e2t de bine puteam c\u0103 eram \u00eenfometat\u0103 \u015fi \u00eendurerat\u0103. \u015ei totu\u015fi p\u0103rea c\u0103 nimic din ceea ce f\u0103ceam nu o ajuta s\u0103 \u00een\u0163eleag\u0103 de ce aveam nevoie cu disperare. Acest lucru a contribuit la mai multe probleme \u00een via\u0163a mea, cum ar fi teama c\u0103 nu voi fi niciodat\u0103 \u00een\u0163eleas\u0103, indiferent de c\u00e2t de clar \u00eencerc s\u0103 m\u0103 exprim. De asemenea m-a lasat cu mari nesiguran\u0163e legate de m\u00e2ncare \u015fi cu teama c\u0103 nu este niciodat\u0103 suficient\u0103. \u00cen plus, am r\u0103mas cu sentimentul c\u0103 sunt \u201crea\u201d \u015fi c\u0103 nu merit s\u0103 primesc nimic (nici m\u0103car m\u00e2ncare atunci c\u00e2nd \u00eemi era foame), pentru c\u0103 sim\u0163eam iritabilitatea mamei mele \u015fi resentimentele ei pentru c\u0103 o trezeam a\u015fa devreme \u00een fiecare diminea\u0163\u0103.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A\u015fadar \u00een via\u0163a mea adult\u0103 a trebuit s\u0103 m\u0103 lupt cu probleme de ne\u00eencredere \u00een mine, sentimente c\u0103 nu merit nimic, lipsa afirm\u0103rii, neajutorare \u00eenv\u0103\u0163at\u0103 \u015fi depresie. Toate acestea au contribuit la petrecerea multor ani \u00een Terapie Primordial\u0103, s\u0103 \u00eemi revin din copil\u0103ria mea, lucru care \u00eel fac acum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pentru a ajuta p\u0103rin\u0163ii, exist\u0103 c\u00e2teva site-uri bune azi pe internet. Dou\u0103 pe care le sugerez sunt The Natural Child Project<\/a> \u015fi The Primal Parenting Page<\/a>. Le recomand tuturor care au un bebelu\u015f sau care pl\u0103nuiesc s\u0103 aib\u0103 unul \u00een viitor. Acestea dau linkuri c\u0103tre site-uri care promoveaz\u0103 “attachment parenting”-ul, \u0163inutul bebelu\u015fului aproape, \u00een contact iubitor cu corpul mamei sau al tat\u0103lui \u00een timpul primelor luni de via\u0163\u0103, hr\u0103nitul copilului la cerere oric\u00e2nd \u00eei e foame, \u015fi permiterea bebelu\u015fului s\u0103 doarm\u0103 aproape de corpurile calde ale p\u0103rin\u0163ilor lui noaptea \u2013 pentru a \u00eendeplini nevoile primare ale bebelu\u015fului pentru atingere \u015fi apropiere. Sper c\u0103 acest stil de a \u00eengriji bebelu\u015ful cu dragoste va deveni parenting-ul viitorului, a\u015fa cum a fost \u015fi \u00een trecutul nostru. Dac\u0103 nu se va \u00eent\u00e2mpla acest lucru, viitorul umanit\u0103\u0163ii este \u00eentr-adev\u0103r trist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dr. Nils Bergman a \u00eenchis articolul lui pe tema Kangaroo Mother Care <\/a>cu aceste cuvinte: \u201c… este un imperativ de s\u0103n\u0103tate public\u0103. Este designul trecutului, \u015fi viitorul nostru depinde de el\u201d.
________________________<\/p>\n\n\n\n

* Update: Cercet\u0103ri recente confirm\u0103 ipoteza lui Taylor. Scan\u0103rile creierului \u015fi m\u0103surarea semnelor vitale \u015fi a nivelurilor hormonului stresului la bebelu\u015fi arat\u0103 c\u0103 ei devin vizibil traumatiza\u0163i dac\u0103 nevoile de dragoste \u015fi de apropiere fizic\u0103 nu sunt \u00eendeplinite. Cartea lui Sue Gerhardt, Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby\u2019s Brain <\/a>listeaz\u0103 unele dintre cele mai recente studii.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

V\u0102 RECOMAND\u0102M S\u0102 CITI\u0162I:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Continuum Concept<\/a>, Jean Liedloff<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Magical Child<\/a>, Joseph Chilton Pearce<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding<\/a>, La Leche League<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nighttime Parenting<\/a>, William Sears<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Family Bed<\/a>, Tine Thevenin<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Biology of Love<\/a>, Arthur Janov<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why Love Matters<\/a>, Sue Gerhardt<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our Babies, Ourselves<\/a>, Meredith Small<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Science of Parenting<\/a>, Margot Sunderland<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Baby Bond<\/a>, Linda Palmer<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Vital Touch<\/a>, Sharon Heller<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Natural Child: Parenting from the Heart<\/a>, Jan Hunt<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kangaroo Babies<\/a>, Nathalie Charpak<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering<\/a>, Sarah Buckley<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kangaroo Mother Care<\/a> articol de Patricia T\u00f6rngren<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

~~~~ <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Acest articol a ap\u0103rut ini\u021bial \u00een 2011 pe blogul nostru Blogspot aici<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

De\u00a0Patricia T\u00f6rngren 2011 (Articol tradus de aici: http:\/\/www.drmomma.org\/2011\/06\/primal-parenting-giving-babies-best.html ) Pu\u0163ini adul\u0163i din ziua de azi ar asocia felul \u00een care au fost trata\u0163i ca bebelu\u015fi cu problemele pe care le experimenteaz\u0103 \u00een via\u0163a de adult. Totu\u015fi, oamenii care beneficiaz\u0103 de terapie primordial\u0103 (Primal Therapy) \u015fi de alte terapii regresive, deseori devin con\u015ftien\u0163i de aceste probleme din copil\u0103rie. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":122,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[19,18],"tags":[238,49,222,16,12,13,59,234,233,246,235,231,227,237,15,247,41,241,10,242,243,226,17,240,228,229,244,11,220,221,245,224,42,4,5,43,236,225,223,232],"class_list":["post-121","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-babywearing","category-natural-parenting","tag-abandon","tag-alaptare","tag-articole-traduse","tag-attachment-parenting","tag-bebe","tag-bebelusi","tag-bebelusi-fericiti","tag-cio","tag-controlat","tag-cosleeping","tag-cry-it-out","tag-depresie","tag-dragoste","tag-dresaj","tag-in-brate","tag-incredere","tag-independenta","tag-ingrijirea-stil-cangur","tag-kangaroo-care","tag-kangaroo-mother-care","tag-kmc","tag-la-termen","tag-natural-parenting","tag-neajutorare-invatata","tag-neconditionat","tag-neconditionata","tag-nils-bergman","tag-nou-nascuti","tag-parenting","tag-parenting-primordial","tag-patricia-torngren","tag-peaceful-pareting","tag-plans","tag-purtare","tag-purtarea-bebelusilor","tag-somn","tag-tehnici","tag-terapie","tag-traduceri","tag-violenta"],"yoast_head":"\nParenting primordial: d\u00e2ndu-le bebelu\u015filor cel mai bun \u00eenceput \u00een via\u0163\u0103 - Blog KiddyShop<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/kiddyshop.ro\/blog\/2020\/05\/19\/parenting-primordial-dandu-le-bebelusilor-cel-mai-bun-inceput-in-viata\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Parenting primordial: d\u00e2ndu-le bebelu\u015filor cel mai bun \u00eenceput \u00een via\u0163\u0103 - Blog KiddyShop\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"De\u00a0Patricia T\u00f6rngren 2011 (Articol tradus de aici: http:\/\/www.drmomma.org\/2011\/06\/primal-parenting-giving-babies-best.html ) Pu\u0163ini adul\u0163i din ziua de azi ar asocia felul \u00een care au fost trata\u0163i ca bebelu\u015fi cu problemele pe care le experimenteaz\u0103 \u00een via\u0163a de adult. 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